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Literature Text
My eyes are red, my heart is black,
all becuse my friends stabbed me in the back..
if i had died,
no one would have cried.
my life is died,
thats all i think as i lye in bed.
i feel like i'm going crazy,
i swear they want me to be pushing daisys.
they know what they do,
when i'm in the loo.
they slag me but keep it hiden,
i ain't kidding.
people don't get why i get mad,
they think its cause i'm bad.
all becuse my friends stabbed me in the back..
if i had died,
no one would have cried.
my life is died,
thats all i think as i lye in bed.
i feel like i'm going crazy,
i swear they want me to be pushing daisys.
they know what they do,
when i'm in the loo.
they slag me but keep it hiden,
i ain't kidding.
people don't get why i get mad,
they think its cause i'm bad.
this is what my friends are doing to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
© 2009 - 2024 angle243
Comments29
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You managed to get your point across very well. What you are trying to express with this piece was done successfully.
The poetry itself could use some work.
First, some of your lines could be shortened. The kind of poem this is works better with shorter lines, to add emphasis to the rhyme.
For instance "No one would have cried" could be shortened to "No one would've cried" or just "No one cried".
Also some of the lines seem pointless and just thrown in to help the rhyming, such as "when I'm in the loo", and "I ain't kidding".
Furthermore the opening line is cliche. There are also several spelling errors or terms or words used inappropriately. Example "Hiden" is spelt "Hidden", and saying "My life is Died" doesn't make sense.
I suggest you continue writing, but try not to limit yourself to rhyming poetry. You have greater freedom, and therefore greater creative liberty with open, free verse poetry. Rhymes limit you drastically.
Good luck.
The poetry itself could use some work.
First, some of your lines could be shortened. The kind of poem this is works better with shorter lines, to add emphasis to the rhyme.
For instance "No one would have cried" could be shortened to "No one would've cried" or just "No one cried".
Also some of the lines seem pointless and just thrown in to help the rhyming, such as "when I'm in the loo", and "I ain't kidding".
Furthermore the opening line is cliche. There are also several spelling errors or terms or words used inappropriately. Example "Hiden" is spelt "Hidden", and saying "My life is Died" doesn't make sense.
I suggest you continue writing, but try not to limit yourself to rhyming poetry. You have greater freedom, and therefore greater creative liberty with open, free verse poetry. Rhymes limit you drastically.
Good luck.